Whether you've seen Avengers: Infinity War or not, there's almost no way you've escaped the film's presence. Beyond offering up the biggest opening weekend box office in cinema history, it has also featured heavily in product promotions, cross-over events and late night television appearances. It has turned into so much more than just a spring blockbuster, which is probably why it shouldn't surprise anyone that Infinity War has started to have an effect on porn searches too.
Our friends over at Pornhub sent us over some statistics on the superhero-related porn searches, and not surprisingly, the term "Avengers" has skyrocketed 356% since the film opened. There's just something about those costumes and the whole saving the world thing that gets people excited. Or at least excited about one of the characters.
That's the thing. The key to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, both from a wholesome fan perspective and from a getting your rocks off perspective, is that there are so many different heroes to choose from. Everyone has his or her favorite, and that extends to the bedroom too.
Fortunately, we now have some hard data to prove who people are lusting after the most. Pornhub shot us over the 14 characters who have been searched for the most, and we're going to present them in order. Ready? Then like a superhero suit in a porn parody, we're off...
#14 LokiTom Hiddleston is an incredibly attractive guy. Taylor Swift thought so. A lot of fans think so. There's just something about Loki's scheming and whining though that holds him back here. No one dreams of the scrawny little brother. Or apparently less people dream of the scrawny little brother.
#13 NebulaWeird. Weird. Weird. I don't want to be judgy and people can be into whatever they want. It's not even the blue thing. She just has so much weirdness going on with her basic appearance, but I guess some people would prefer the maladjusted sister. To each their own.
#12 FalconHonestly, I would have expected a little higher. Anthony Mackie is a good looking dude. Falcon doesn't have profound personal problems. Maybe he's just not a major enough character for people to think about?
#11 Doctor StrangeDoctor Strange would be way higher if he were a more established character. Benedict Cumberbatch has really obsessive fans, and a lot of them are really into whatever he's got going on. Plus, his character has the whole aloof and mystical vibe going on. I expect him to be way higher on a list like this in a few years.
#10 ThanosYesssssss. I can't imagine what type of ridiculous filth would be involved in a Thanos porn. You know he's got really upsetting sexual preferences. I bet the people searching for him are really well-traveled porn users, the type who just keep going further and further into sub-genres when the vanilla stuff stops working.
#9 Iron ManWow. Poor Tony Stark. This might be the worst thing that's ever happened to him. Outranked on porn searches by all of the other major Avengers characters? You know he would have bet on himself to be in the top three, minimum.
#8 GamoraI get it. The green thing doesn't bother me, and if she's good enough for Star Lord, she's good enough for the rest of us. Besides, if a relatively normal looking woman painted green is the weirdest thing about the porn you're looking at, you're definitely still in the reasonably normal bubble.
#7 ThorWTF, people? I'm so outraged right now. As Drax says in Infinity War, this is a man. Fun fact: when Pornhub first sent me this list, I asked three women around the office who they thought would be the highest ranking male and all three guessed Thor. No idea how that's not translating to real world searches.
#6 Scarlet WitchWhat's not to like here? Honestly, this seems a little low. She's a beautiful woman with all kinds of weird powers I don't even begin to understand. She also has a little bit of a darkness inside her and wears a costume that has led to complaints about it showing too much cleavage. FYI, she could wear an orange rain poncho and she'd still be hot.
#5 Black PantherLet's put aside the fact that he's a King and a superhero and literally fights people to maintain his throne. He's also got all kinds of bizarre and fascinating gadgets his sister makes, and I'm not saying his sister would intentionally make things he could use in the bedroom but he's a resourceful guy. Use your imagination.
#4 HulkYou're playing with fire here people. Hulk might be a muscular beast, but he's also uncontrollable when he's in Hulk mode. I'm not saying don't go there. Just be careful. There's no way he hasn't accidentally put a woman in the hospital through a sexual encounter gone wrong. Play safe.
#3 Captain AmericaI can't even imagine how many people he's saved in his life. You know some of them wanted to reward him, and he's too good of a person to accept money. If people want to repay him in other ways though? That's ultimately their decision. Plus, you just know he's a generous lover.
#2 Spider-ManSeriously? Seriously? Is awkward high school guy a fantasy for some people? Are you hoping he delivers some weird pop culture references mid-fooling around in the bedroom? I mean, if you're into this, let your freak flag fly. He can tie you up with his web shooter things, I guess, and then afterwards, you can watch videos of people playing video games on YouTube or whatever the hell it is high schoolers do nowadays.
#1 Black WidowYup. She's got it all. Model looks. Vicious roundhouse kicks. A tight black suit. I'm so many levels of in, and I'm extremely jealous of Bruce Banner that there's kinda sorta something going on there. I can't imagine any scenario in which she's isn't number one on this list every single time a new Avengers movie (or her solo movie) comes out until she leaves the universe.
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